Giving

A recent adventure in healing left me pondering the meaning of sharing and giving.  

Last week, an accointance was greatly suffering in the throes of a healing crisis.  We were all apprised of his condition through his detailed facebook posts.  I had offered to help him through it, with a long distance phone healing.  I came back home at midnight, ready to tuck in, only to find a message from him, ready to take me up on my offer, and a phone number to call him back.  So I did, and and caught him on his way to the hospital, as the pain was so intense.  We did the healing while he was parked in the hospital's lot, and his pain completely vanished.  He experienced a miraculous healing, and his doctors were surprised at the absence of blood in his urine, for the first time in a long time.  He thanked me privately for the healing.  I was very grateful he gave me the opportunity to help him through this crisis.

To his circle of friends however, not a word of his healing.  From the tone of his posts, they posted comments that he seemed to be doing better and they were glad for it.  They were sharing their love and concern openly.  To my eyes, he did not seem to share his success in the same manner.  I do not know his reasons, and they are only his to know.  

That left me wondering.  How many times have I shared my pain, but was reluctant to share my miracles?  My struggles and insecurities have given me in the past a way to relate and gather support, but it is a hollow way to relate.  It emphasizes neediness and incompletion.  It makes us think that we need to work through things, instead of being who we are and enjoying our divine process of co-creation.

Some other people have the opposite dilemma.  They share an inflated view of themselves, their accomplishment, how well they are doing, but forget to mention their inner doubts, frailties, anxieties.  

So in this holiday season of giving, can you give all of yourself?  Your success and beauty, your doubts and insecurities, your love and your fear... and allow yourself to shine your light and your love through it all?

The material presents are nice, but they feel hollow without your presence.

Wonderful healing journey

I have taken the time since October, to go deep within myself and heal all the things I found to be released, transformed, and loved within myself.  I feel deeply grateful and quite changed from the adventure.  

It was a journey where I emotionally and literally reconnected with parts of my past I had left behind.  

First, I spent time in NYC, a city I adore.  I used to live there, for 12 years.  There isn't a street corner I haven't been to, as I used to have a tour business.  I actually know NYC better than my city of origin, Paris.  There is also a sense of stability and peace that comes from reconnecting with old friends who've known you for years, and have evolved in parallel tracks.

Then, I flew to California, and was warmly welcomed by my good friends and neighbors in San Diego.  It was there that the dam broke.  Gazing out of their window, into their enchanted garden and to my old house in which I lived with my friend who just died, allowed me to reach and release the frozen knot of pain which had been locked in my heart.  I am so grateful for my friends' love and support which made this access safe and possible.

This marked a turning point, after which it became a voyage of pleasure.  Renting a car, I made my way up the coast, visiting friends and family and making a pilgrimage to Mount Shasta.  For three hours, I was in complete silence and solitude.  I laid on the frozen ground, in deep meditation, barefoot, only to realize afterwards that not a single bird came to disrupt the silence.  The message was very simple:  "I am enough.  Whatever tools or circumstances we now possess is enough.  No need to wait for an upgrade."  Just feelings of peace, gratitude and accomplishment.

Following my intuition, I also connected with soul sisters and it is wonderful to have them back in my life.

I am now in Paris, France, teaching and spending time with my family of origin.  The feeling of peace and inner strength I now live in, is even more apparent here.  I am grateful.

Birth as We Know It

Now that the daily routine of the cleanse is finished, I find myself feeling like I have nothing earth shattering that warrants an entry on this blog ... but then again, I have also been a bit in a cave-mode since I am still deeply grieving the loss of my dear friend.  And this of course, does not make one very communicative.

I am very grateful to be in New York City at this time, reconnecting with old friends, bumping into someone I've known since we are 17, strolling in wonderful neighborhoods, and getting yummy juices and wheatgrass shots from the city's many juice bars.

I am keeping a witness stance of myself and my emotions, and asking for help from friends when I need it, as well as taking action with wonderful results.  Here is one I would like to share with you:

As some of you may know, the healing method I have developed is outstanding in releasing deeply ingrained, frozen traumas.  It can even be done over the phone.  One of the recurrent type of traumas I encounter in people, are the traumas that date back from the birth itself.  A baby is incredibly sensitive, and the usual birth practices in hospital are less than respectful of the baby's natural process and needs.  These traumas translate in a lifelong low self esteem, inability to move forward, self doubt, struggle, neediness, powerlessness and other baffling traits of characters.

Friends and co-workers might get frustrated with someone who is bumping against such frozen feelings inside themselves.  Their exhortation of "Just do it" just doesn't work.  Having a frozen traumatized feeling is really akin to being imprisoned inside yourself.  

I have been targeting such traumatized feelings and releasing them with great results.  The inspiration to focus on the birth traumas came three years ago, when I was in L.A. at the Raw food lifestyle movie festival, at the showing of an incredibly moving documentary "Birth as We Know It."  This week, I noticed that Elena, the author, is coming soon to New York city to conduct a workshop which helps recode these limbic imprints.  So I called with the idea to stay longer in NYC and register for the workshop, but instead, what came out of my mouth was that I was calling to organize a workshop in Toronto... and within three days, we have a date (in three short weeks), I've found a location for the workshop and a place to stay for Elena, organized two movie screenings, and we have 5 people registering...

I am thrilled to learn from Elena, who has been specifically focusing on this subject for about 30 years.

I am so grateful that I have learned to follow the flow, my heart's guidance, and let go of the "yeah but" inner chatter that would have prevented such a wonderful occurrence. 

Watch the movie trailer on youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rR-SroU-Y2Y

Transition time!

The transition time out of the Juice Feast is underway, and I actually miss it already!  I will definitely do it again.  It was a great experience, and I look forward to more.  

Right now, I'm sleep deprived and have been for a couple of days, so it is not the best day to reflect and derives deep meaningful thoughts from the cleanse experience, but it's already been a few days that I haven't had the chance to blog, so I'll do my best for today, and will continue in the days to come.

I've loved the Juice Feasting experience for the opportunity to go very deep inside myself, and let go of many many layers of emotional gunk that had been covered by food.  I had hoped to go further on that subject in the duration of the cleanse, but my body is giving me very clear signals that this particular cleanse is done, so I am heeding to them.  I am continuing on clearing these emotions, though, on my own and with my "Transformation Study Partners."  So I still have some emotional eating patterns, yet I am also conscious of the great strides that have been made.

I am going to take the hidden food sensitivity test administered by Genova labs, because it occurred to me that some of the foods that create hidden inflammation can be raw foods.  For example, I intensely dislike zucchinis and juicing them was probably not a good idea, even though I was fine with the taste, I bet that my dislike of them indicates an allergy to them.  Hidden food sensitivities trigger crazy cravings for unhealthy foods, so I want to eliminate them all completely from my diet.

I feel much stronger in myself than when I started two months ago.  It has been - paradoxically - an humbling and strengthening experience.  I never thought I could do it, was amazed I could, and I've dropped the desire to impress or compare, as in "I completed an X days cleanse of juicing" etc... What I do or not do, what other people do or don't do is nobody's business but our own.  We are all in our own journey and it just doesn't make any sense to compare.  What we perceive as our own limitations are just a tiny piece of our own puzzle.  Have you noticed that other people can be inspired and awed by certain aspects of our personality or accomplishments that we take for granted?

Since arriving in New York I reconnected with people I hadn't seen in 8 years.  It made me realize the deep transformation that has occurred within myself.  What I knew intuitively got anchored in myself deeply by seeing them in person:  we each have our own journey, we do our best, and as long as we do our best to be true to ourselves, to connect with our own truth, instead of following someone else's, we will keep on expanding into our true self... and there is only so much we can fit in a freakin' life time!!

Much love!

Day 57 - revisiting old friends

Yesterday was another non-stop day spent in a completely different manner. I went to help another really good friend of mine, divorced single mother of three, who is in the middle of her mid-term exams. So I played with the kids, took them to their drum lessons, connected with someone who needs detoxing help. The most important part for me, is to be there for the people I love. She was there for me in a most beautiful way when I was going through the most difficult period of my life, many years ago, before the start of my healing path, and it warms my heart that I can do something for her in return.

On the cleanse side of things, I'm starting to think that it may be time - already?! - to transition back to solid foods. I juiced over 5 liters/quarts yesterday, and was still hungry, with no desire for more juice. I made myself a huge pitcher of green juices this morning, and again, I'm still hungry an hour later. I'm speaking with my friend Akua who is a Juice Feasting consultant, in a couple of days, and I'll ask her opinion. I think I'm going to continue juicing several liters/quarts of green juices a day and start adding smoothies and other foods progressively.

I'm surprised how much I love juicing, and the great opportunity it is providing me to go behind all the emotions that had been ruling my life for so long. I'm on a roll to continue clearing them.

I've gotta go, the kids need to get to their soccer game! :o)

Love to you all!

Day 55 of Juice Feasting - New York traffic and miracles

Non stop day today.  First day in New York city, which was spent helping my friend prepare for an event she was teaching tonight.  We went to Ikea, bought 30 chairs, dropped them off downtown, detoured by an organic discount produce place, zig-zagged back uptown, got changed, no time to juice, so I grabbed a bag full of produce and ran to the nearby Mexican juice bar, where they very kindly juiced everything with their fast and powerful machine.

I thus had more than usual:  5 liters/quarts of green juices, and I'm still hungry.  I didn't have time to think of the flavor combinations as I grabbed whatever was on hand (celery, cucumber, collard green, kale, chard, lemon, ginger, jalapeno, tomato, cilantro...) mmm.  It wasn't the tastiest ever, but it did the job.

On the way back down, the avenue was blocked and all traffic diverted, so I prayed they would let us through, because our time was way short.  The cop looked at us, and waived us through.  Score!  We thus had an empty avenue to sip down on, with a few buses and taxis... I definitely felt very protected throughout the day, as we narrowly missed crazy accidents, messengers on bike, running a red light in front of a cop - who had just turned his head the other way as we drove past him...

I feel so good being back in the town I love.  I am grateful ... and tired.

Day 54 of Juice Feasting - on the go

I didn't have the courage to blog last night.  I had a massage in the afternoon, which was awesome to get me back in my body, and that also brought forth some more grief and pain.  I didn't feel motivated to do anything.  I just wanted to numb myself.

I made myself  about 4 liters/quarts of juices with a bit of everything we had bought (celery, cucumber, radish, tomato, parsley, cilantro, fennel) and 1/2 a liter of grapefruit, ate all my superfood superballs, then went to watch some series on TV with my friends.  I don't watch TV usually, and found it to be particularly numbing.  I had some fruits that were lying on the table there, and didn't feel too hot about that.  I know it's stupid.  I've just lost one of the person I loved the most, and we had an incredible soul and heart connection, emotional eating has always been prevalent in my life, and here I am beating myself up over eating some fruits.  Come to think of it, it is a great way to put the focus somewhere else.  You can tell by the doom and gloom tone of this post that I haven't cleared anything yet, but I will.  It's definitely a roller coaster ride of emotions these days.  I'm grateful for the opportunity to bring more light into myself.

I'm having my first session of the day in one hour, so I'm going to make some juices before hand.  I'm taking the bus into New York City today, and will be there for about a week.  I'm taking my friend's juicer with me.  I lived in New York (technically Hoboken, which is 10 minutes away from midtown) for 12 years, and had a tour company.  I know New York inside and out, and have old friends there.  I am excited about reconnecting, exploring old haunts, going shopping for medicinal mushrooms in Chinatown...