Giving

A recent adventure in healing left me pondering the meaning of sharing and giving.  

Last week, an accointance was greatly suffering in the throes of a healing crisis.  We were all apprised of his condition through his detailed facebook posts.  I had offered to help him through it, with a long distance phone healing.  I came back home at midnight, ready to tuck in, only to find a message from him, ready to take me up on my offer, and a phone number to call him back.  So I did, and and caught him on his way to the hospital, as the pain was so intense.  We did the healing while he was parked in the hospital's lot, and his pain completely vanished.  He experienced a miraculous healing, and his doctors were surprised at the absence of blood in his urine, for the first time in a long time.  He thanked me privately for the healing.  I was very grateful he gave me the opportunity to help him through this crisis.

To his circle of friends however, not a word of his healing.  From the tone of his posts, they posted comments that he seemed to be doing better and they were glad for it.  They were sharing their love and concern openly.  To my eyes, he did not seem to share his success in the same manner.  I do not know his reasons, and they are only his to know.  

That left me wondering.  How many times have I shared my pain, but was reluctant to share my miracles?  My struggles and insecurities have given me in the past a way to relate and gather support, but it is a hollow way to relate.  It emphasizes neediness and incompletion.  It makes us think that we need to work through things, instead of being who we are and enjoying our divine process of co-creation.

Some other people have the opposite dilemma.  They share an inflated view of themselves, their accomplishment, how well they are doing, but forget to mention their inner doubts, frailties, anxieties.  

So in this holiday season of giving, can you give all of yourself?  Your success and beauty, your doubts and insecurities, your love and your fear... and allow yourself to shine your light and your love through it all?

The material presents are nice, but they feel hollow without your presence.

Wonderful healing journey

I have taken the time since October, to go deep within myself and heal all the things I found to be released, transformed, and loved within myself.  I feel deeply grateful and quite changed from the adventure.  

It was a journey where I emotionally and literally reconnected with parts of my past I had left behind.  

First, I spent time in NYC, a city I adore.  I used to live there, for 12 years.  There isn't a street corner I haven't been to, as I used to have a tour business.  I actually know NYC better than my city of origin, Paris.  There is also a sense of stability and peace that comes from reconnecting with old friends who've known you for years, and have evolved in parallel tracks.

Then, I flew to California, and was warmly welcomed by my good friends and neighbors in San Diego.  It was there that the dam broke.  Gazing out of their window, into their enchanted garden and to my old house in which I lived with my friend who just died, allowed me to reach and release the frozen knot of pain which had been locked in my heart.  I am so grateful for my friends' love and support which made this access safe and possible.

This marked a turning point, after which it became a voyage of pleasure.  Renting a car, I made my way up the coast, visiting friends and family and making a pilgrimage to Mount Shasta.  For three hours, I was in complete silence and solitude.  I laid on the frozen ground, in deep meditation, barefoot, only to realize afterwards that not a single bird came to disrupt the silence.  The message was very simple:  "I am enough.  Whatever tools or circumstances we now possess is enough.  No need to wait for an upgrade."  Just feelings of peace, gratitude and accomplishment.

Following my intuition, I also connected with soul sisters and it is wonderful to have them back in my life.

I am now in Paris, France, teaching and spending time with my family of origin.  The feeling of peace and inner strength I now live in, is even more apparent here.  I am grateful.

Birth as We Know It

Now that the daily routine of the cleanse is finished, I find myself feeling like I have nothing earth shattering that warrants an entry on this blog ... but then again, I have also been a bit in a cave-mode since I am still deeply grieving the loss of my dear friend.  And this of course, does not make one very communicative.

I am very grateful to be in New York City at this time, reconnecting with old friends, bumping into someone I've known since we are 17, strolling in wonderful neighborhoods, and getting yummy juices and wheatgrass shots from the city's many juice bars.

I am keeping a witness stance of myself and my emotions, and asking for help from friends when I need it, as well as taking action with wonderful results.  Here is one I would like to share with you:

As some of you may know, the healing method I have developed is outstanding in releasing deeply ingrained, frozen traumas.  It can even be done over the phone.  One of the recurrent type of traumas I encounter in people, are the traumas that date back from the birth itself.  A baby is incredibly sensitive, and the usual birth practices in hospital are less than respectful of the baby's natural process and needs.  These traumas translate in a lifelong low self esteem, inability to move forward, self doubt, struggle, neediness, powerlessness and other baffling traits of characters.

Friends and co-workers might get frustrated with someone who is bumping against such frozen feelings inside themselves.  Their exhortation of "Just do it" just doesn't work.  Having a frozen traumatized feeling is really akin to being imprisoned inside yourself.  

I have been targeting such traumatized feelings and releasing them with great results.  The inspiration to focus on the birth traumas came three years ago, when I was in L.A. at the Raw food lifestyle movie festival, at the showing of an incredibly moving documentary "Birth as We Know It."  This week, I noticed that Elena, the author, is coming soon to New York city to conduct a workshop which helps recode these limbic imprints.  So I called with the idea to stay longer in NYC and register for the workshop, but instead, what came out of my mouth was that I was calling to organize a workshop in Toronto... and within three days, we have a date (in three short weeks), I've found a location for the workshop and a place to stay for Elena, organized two movie screenings, and we have 5 people registering...

I am thrilled to learn from Elena, who has been specifically focusing on this subject for about 30 years.

I am so grateful that I have learned to follow the flow, my heart's guidance, and let go of the "yeah but" inner chatter that would have prevented such a wonderful occurrence. 

Watch the movie trailer on youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rR-SroU-Y2Y

Transition time!

The transition time out of the Juice Feast is underway, and I actually miss it already!  I will definitely do it again.  It was a great experience, and I look forward to more.  

Right now, I'm sleep deprived and have been for a couple of days, so it is not the best day to reflect and derives deep meaningful thoughts from the cleanse experience, but it's already been a few days that I haven't had the chance to blog, so I'll do my best for today, and will continue in the days to come.

I've loved the Juice Feasting experience for the opportunity to go very deep inside myself, and let go of many many layers of emotional gunk that had been covered by food.  I had hoped to go further on that subject in the duration of the cleanse, but my body is giving me very clear signals that this particular cleanse is done, so I am heeding to them.  I am continuing on clearing these emotions, though, on my own and with my "Transformation Study Partners."  So I still have some emotional eating patterns, yet I am also conscious of the great strides that have been made.

I am going to take the hidden food sensitivity test administered by Genova labs, because it occurred to me that some of the foods that create hidden inflammation can be raw foods.  For example, I intensely dislike zucchinis and juicing them was probably not a good idea, even though I was fine with the taste, I bet that my dislike of them indicates an allergy to them.  Hidden food sensitivities trigger crazy cravings for unhealthy foods, so I want to eliminate them all completely from my diet.

I feel much stronger in myself than when I started two months ago.  It has been - paradoxically - an humbling and strengthening experience.  I never thought I could do it, was amazed I could, and I've dropped the desire to impress or compare, as in "I completed an X days cleanse of juicing" etc... What I do or not do, what other people do or don't do is nobody's business but our own.  We are all in our own journey and it just doesn't make any sense to compare.  What we perceive as our own limitations are just a tiny piece of our own puzzle.  Have you noticed that other people can be inspired and awed by certain aspects of our personality or accomplishments that we take for granted?

Since arriving in New York I reconnected with people I hadn't seen in 8 years.  It made me realize the deep transformation that has occurred within myself.  What I knew intuitively got anchored in myself deeply by seeing them in person:  we each have our own journey, we do our best, and as long as we do our best to be true to ourselves, to connect with our own truth, instead of following someone else's, we will keep on expanding into our true self... and there is only so much we can fit in a freakin' life time!!

Much love!

Day 57 - revisiting old friends

Yesterday was another non-stop day spent in a completely different manner. I went to help another really good friend of mine, divorced single mother of three, who is in the middle of her mid-term exams. So I played with the kids, took them to their drum lessons, connected with someone who needs detoxing help. The most important part for me, is to be there for the people I love. She was there for me in a most beautiful way when I was going through the most difficult period of my life, many years ago, before the start of my healing path, and it warms my heart that I can do something for her in return.

On the cleanse side of things, I'm starting to think that it may be time - already?! - to transition back to solid foods. I juiced over 5 liters/quarts yesterday, and was still hungry, with no desire for more juice. I made myself a huge pitcher of green juices this morning, and again, I'm still hungry an hour later. I'm speaking with my friend Akua who is a Juice Feasting consultant, in a couple of days, and I'll ask her opinion. I think I'm going to continue juicing several liters/quarts of green juices a day and start adding smoothies and other foods progressively.

I'm surprised how much I love juicing, and the great opportunity it is providing me to go behind all the emotions that had been ruling my life for so long. I'm on a roll to continue clearing them.

I've gotta go, the kids need to get to their soccer game! :o)

Love to you all!

Day 55 of Juice Feasting - New York traffic and miracles

Non stop day today.  First day in New York city, which was spent helping my friend prepare for an event she was teaching tonight.  We went to Ikea, bought 30 chairs, dropped them off downtown, detoured by an organic discount produce place, zig-zagged back uptown, got changed, no time to juice, so I grabbed a bag full of produce and ran to the nearby Mexican juice bar, where they very kindly juiced everything with their fast and powerful machine.

I thus had more than usual:  5 liters/quarts of green juices, and I'm still hungry.  I didn't have time to think of the flavor combinations as I grabbed whatever was on hand (celery, cucumber, collard green, kale, chard, lemon, ginger, jalapeno, tomato, cilantro...) mmm.  It wasn't the tastiest ever, but it did the job.

On the way back down, the avenue was blocked and all traffic diverted, so I prayed they would let us through, because our time was way short.  The cop looked at us, and waived us through.  Score!  We thus had an empty avenue to sip down on, with a few buses and taxis... I definitely felt very protected throughout the day, as we narrowly missed crazy accidents, messengers on bike, running a red light in front of a cop - who had just turned his head the other way as we drove past him...

I feel so good being back in the town I love.  I am grateful ... and tired.

Day 54 of Juice Feasting - on the go

I didn't have the courage to blog last night.  I had a massage in the afternoon, which was awesome to get me back in my body, and that also brought forth some more grief and pain.  I didn't feel motivated to do anything.  I just wanted to numb myself.

I made myself  about 4 liters/quarts of juices with a bit of everything we had bought (celery, cucumber, radish, tomato, parsley, cilantro, fennel) and 1/2 a liter of grapefruit, ate all my superfood superballs, then went to watch some series on TV with my friends.  I don't watch TV usually, and found it to be particularly numbing.  I had some fruits that were lying on the table there, and didn't feel too hot about that.  I know it's stupid.  I've just lost one of the person I loved the most, and we had an incredible soul and heart connection, emotional eating has always been prevalent in my life, and here I am beating myself up over eating some fruits.  Come to think of it, it is a great way to put the focus somewhere else.  You can tell by the doom and gloom tone of this post that I haven't cleared anything yet, but I will.  It's definitely a roller coaster ride of emotions these days.  I'm grateful for the opportunity to bring more light into myself.

I'm having my first session of the day in one hour, so I'm going to make some juices before hand.  I'm taking the bus into New York City today, and will be there for about a week.  I'm taking my friend's juicer with me.  I lived in New York (technically Hoboken, which is 10 minutes away from midtown) for 12 years, and had a tour company.  I know New York inside and out, and have old friends there.  I am excited about reconnecting, exploring old haunts, going shopping for medicinal mushrooms in Chinatown...

Day 52 of Juice Feasting - Broken Heart Recipe

Since this blog is currently all about food, I thought I'd share with you the best recipe to season a broken heart, or grief such as I am experiencing now:

Take a broken heart, gently massage the break open with love, until it breaks open completely. Take the shell out. Add the light of Source, and take out any yucky patterns.  Add a cup of compassion, a pinch of humor and be ready to love even more!

Note:  I tried the other "Broken Heart" recipe several times before in my life:

Take a broken heart, let it simmer for a few months until it hardens.  Coat it with oblivion and denial.  Add in a recurrent tape of "I'm over that already."  Drizzle with a simmering sauce of "They're a jerk."

Recommended as a spread it on bread, a sauce for pasta, or any other dish that deadens the senses.

and it just doesn't taste as good, but it is very addictive and has become the most popular recipe.  So I really recommend that you don't even go near it, and stick to the first recipe.

After the devastating news of Saturday evening, I am starting to feel alive again, thanks to my good friend Paula's help with Source and meditation I did in the car ride down.  I checked in my blog what happened on the day he was murdered, because I had a sneaky suspicion I knew when it was:  the day I experienced a wrenching stabbing pain in my heart for no reason I could understand... and yes, it was that day.  We are all much more connected than we think we are.

My friend and I made it safely down to New Jersey, with very little sleep.  I had just enough time to drive a couple of hours to retrieve my passport and a change of clothes, make juices for the road, take a quick nap, and off we went at 4:30 am, relaying each other to drive so the other could nap.  We made it in just under 12 hours, and just in time for him to be whisked away to his wilderness course.  Then one of my best friend came to pick me up at the drop off point, and I am at her house now.  There is nothing like best friends to feel nurtured and loved.  I hadn't seen her in person in a few years, although we talk on the phone, and she remarked that it was like no time has past.  For me, that's the hallmark of a true friendship.  You pick up where you're at, naturally, with ease, and with no awkwardness.  It just feels like we haven't seen each other in a few months instead of a few years.  I feel very grateful to be here.

She is very curious and excited about my cleanse, and is looking forward to learning about making green smoothies.  Thank God she has a Juiceman juicer, because I couldn't bring anything with me, just my straining bag.  By the way, I put all the pulp from the juicer in my straining bag, and produced just as much juice from the "leftover" pulp I had been ready to discard.  So a cheap juicer is really not the way to go, since it is going to end up costing you so much more in produce.

I've had a few rough patches with staying on the cleanse this weekend, but I'm on it.  Akua Hinds, who is a good friend and one of the coaches of Juice Feasting, recommended I do straight celery juice any time I have one of these small stray away episode.  I told her my method which is to down bentonite clay/psyllium husk pills chased down an hour later by formula #1 bowel mover pills, chased by #2 pills again another hour later.  And of course, lots of transformation with Source to get to the root of the stray away episode.  She reminded me very kindly that it is a process, a journey.  We have to have compassion for ourselves and celebrate our victories.

I had a cocktail today of celery, cucumber, tomato, fennel, cabbage  which tasted very close to a V8 juice.  It was great.  The first one I did this morning with whatever was in the fridge (cabbage, celery, parsley was so disgusting I had to add a couple of green apples, a lemon and a carrot to make it drinkable).  I also had a glass of grapefruit juice, which was a real treat.  I'm the guest who takes over the kitchen:  I've lined up my little shakers of superfoods, medicinal teas, coconut butter, straining bag, and made some superfood superballs today as well.  

Much love!

Day 50 of Juice Feasting - Getting back on the horse

Woke up this morning to mist rising off frost covered fields ... beautiful!  And to Source gently wispering in my mind, that mastering our challenges is like learning to ride a horse:  you get thrown, you get back on, you get thrown, you get back on ... as soon as possible ... until you learn to master your horse called Life, until you anticipate your horse's every move, your challenges, and until your horse and you form a symbiotic relationship, and the challenges disappear.  

When I was learning to ride horses, many years ago, I once got thrown 10 times in the course of one hour... and got back on.  I'm mastering "getting back on" as quickly as possible, I'm still planning to get back on, no matter what the challenge is!  

I'm actually working to eliminate challenges all together, so that life flows with ease and grace... (and food related emotions are no longer an issue!) ;o)

I went to a sacred fire ceremony early this morning.  It was a wonderful ceremony, with sharing and drumming, and the inauguration of four new drums.  As I was listening to people sharing from their lives, I was struck with the fact that even with the challenge I feel I am deeply struggling with right now, which is my "food addiction" I have still maintained a detached attitude towards it.  I see it, I sometimes get swept by it, but get back up, connect to Source, transform it, and have faith that sooner or later I will stand up in my power no matter what.  I noticed that my heart is more open, more loving, more compassionate towards those who are identifying with and being engulfed by their own challenges.

I stayed until the beginning of the brunch, as it was time for me to head back home (perfect timing) for a phone session with a wonderful lady in France, who has had many sessions with me, and who all of a sudden, wanted to start transforming... her relationship with food!  I love how the universe works to support me in my path.  As I was helping her, I found a couple of things for me to transform as well.

I just had a wonderful transformative session with my friend Paula. The shift that happens in those sessions boggles my mind when it happens to me.  I take it for granted when it happens in my clients, but when it is an issue that I am deeply struggling with, such as food addiction, I feel soooo grateful that yet another layer of "mind stuff" is lifted off me.  As the layers peel off, I know that I will get to the other side of this, that soon enough, I will get to the stage when I am no longer engulfed in the compulsion to eat, and will be able to detach from it, not engage in it, and then the final stage will come up to be mastered, the stage when food will no longer be an addiction for me.

And now, since it is a beautiful sunny day, I'm off to a horseback ride on my favorite four legged friend.

All my love!

Update: It's 1:30 am, I learned a few hours ago that one of the person I loved the most has been shot ... and I'm unexpectedly hitching a ride down to New Jersey and New York City, where I used to live, in a few hours.  My heart is sunken in, my throat is tight, tears are threatening, I feel sick to my stomach, but I'm still riding my "horse".

Sharing my love with all of you.

Day 49 of Juice Feasting - Drats, more self sabotage...

Last night, I was giving my second speech at Toastmaster, and it occurred to me that they hadn't seen me since the spring, 3 sizes bigger... so I talked about why to cleanse, and did a little "striptease" by opening my buttoned up coat with flourish and flinging it, so they could be dazzled by my new body.

Hopefully, I've inspired one or two people...

I'm on the road again today.  Went to very good meetings in Toronto for our village and stopped for the night at my Junkarian friends, who are away for the weekend.  I have the whole house to myself... mmm... gee, yep, I still have some very strong sabotage patterns!  Fell off the wagon again... :o(  It's like a compulsion to make me fail, and a gloating when I do... I'll definitely take care of that - with a friend, since it feels a bit strong right now.  

I'm going to an early morning sacred fire ceremony tomorrow, maybe that will be the place to release it.  Right now, I'm really tired, as I've been on the go all day.

So good night to all!  And send me good vibes so I can get to the bottom of these sabotage patterns sooner than later!

Much love!

Day 48 of Juice Feasting - Fall clean-up inside and out!

I started the day with asking myself the question:  "what can I do to love myself today? what can I do to be my own best friend?" which is a great way to tap into your core self, and see what the priority of the day is.  Sometimes, it is work related, and today "cleaning and reorganizing" came up as an answer.

So today is the Big Fall Clean Up Day!

After drinking the lemon water and MSM, I made myself a big pot of medicinal teas: nettle, horsetail, pau d'arco, and for taste peppermint and roiboos.  I found a glass coffee pot with a push down mesh, which is the best for making these loose teas.  When adding herbal teas, I just open up the tea bag and dump the content into the pot.

Then, on to the kitchen's cupboards, putting medicinal teas in glass jars, neatly labeled, pulling out everything to consolidate, reorganize, toss out... and I noticed 1/2 shelf filled with grains: quinoa, millet, amaranth, corn for popping... I am ready to give those away?  NO!  I had an immediate freak-out reaction at the thought of not ever eating any cooked foods ever again.  "But I have to have some of the delicious cheeses when I'm in France!"  "But quinoa-seaweed stews are so good in the winter!"  "But there are no good organic produce to speak of in the winter here!"  mmm, definitely something to clear in there, since there is an emotional reaction accompanied with mental chatter.

As I was finishing the kitchen, my trusted friend Paula calls up, early morning riser from the west coast, ready to explore further our self sabotage around food.  Perfect timing!  Turns out that the reluctance to give out all cooked foods is linked to the reluctance to step out fully into the world and shine our lights brightly.  Because let's face it, cooked foods do numb us out and slow us down, even if it's just a bit, depending on what you're eating.

Day 47 of Juice Feasting - getting to the bottom of self-sabotage clearing and chipotle!

A few awesome sessions today, and a great breakthrough for myself.  A friend and I were able to get to the bottom of the self sabotage feeling, that was present but non-verbal, and I just wasn't able to become aware of it and detach from it.  Why?  Because I most likely have been imprinted with it since the beginning, while developing in-utero, didn't know any different, and felt it to be a part of me.  You cannot let go of something you identify with.

That sabotage pattern translates roughly as "Life won't work anyway" "It's not going to work anyway."  It felt arduous detaching from it, and rewiring new pathways in the brain, but that's just because "it's not going to work anyway" was being felt.  When you clear a specific pattern, you usually feel it on heightened mode, until it is completely gone.  Sure feels good to have it GONE!

After a few juices spiked with lots of cayenne and all the hot pepper powders I could find...

I'm still on shivering mode, so I'm going to go exercise in the sunshine...

... went to friends' house, jumped on their trampoline and taught them how to make raw crackers with some of the leftover veggie pulp from today, ground flax, ground sunflower seeds, some water, and put your hands in there until it is all mooshed up.  Then add whatever spices are available.  Spread on the teflex sheets of an excalibur dehydrator, flip them and remove the sheet about two hours into drying.  To minimize mold, I put the dehydrator on 120 for two hours, then lower it to 108, this way it dries faster.  We chose a mediterranean theme for this batch: rosemary, salt, pepper, cayenne, herbe de provence... and decorated the tops with cilantro leaves.  

We then went for a bike ride - yes,  I am exercising (a side effect of the sabotage clearing) - and watched a glorious sunset over the bay.  I feel peaceful, grateful, and I'm integrating the big shift that happened today.

Much love to all!

Day 46 of Juice Feasting - self-sabotage clearing and chipotle!

I woke up feeling better, more positive, more open to life... the clearings are working!  Still some layers, and as I said before, perseverance is the key!  

I watched inspiring videos by Sean Stephenson, a segment of him struggling to exercise his body, thinking "I could never do that" and realized that one of my limiting beliefs was that "I don't have enough will power" so out it went, up to Source!

Later on today, I also transformed a general feeling of "being fed up" which has been passed down to me from my ancestral line.  The great thing about transforming familial, DNA or ancestral patterns, is that we no longer pass them down the line.

Lots of juices today and lots of spices, as the weather is getting chilly, and I've been shivering.  Definitely not a good idea to drink the juices right out of the fridge.  A 2 1/2 liter mega jug of chard, cucumber, radish, red pepper, melon zucchini (round zucchini), hot red pepper, mixed in with a liter of tomato... plus lots of cayenne and chipotle.  Yum.  The tip of the day is to juice the tomatoes separately, so that it doesn't gunk up the juice bag.  

I also made some more superfood superballs with some of the fermented kefir young coconut meat, coconut oil, and the sweet superfoods.  The kefir adds a great touch.  Technically, it has a wee bit more fiber than the coconut oil, but the young cocounut meat has much less fiber than the coconut butter which is made from mature coconuts.  Plus, you get all the good probiotic, and it is completely pureed.  So for me, those far outweigh the technicalities of a little fiber.  Unless you have a Norwalk juicer, that completely takes out fiber, you are getting some fiber in your juices anyway, so I don't feel the need to go crazy about that.   I've also noticed that my body seems to require a bit more coconut oil than the recommended amount, and since my skin is extremely dry, I lather it on, absorbing it through the skin, and have one or two more superballs a day.

The chipotle is technically not raw, since the pepper has been smoked, but it was soooo yummy!  Give me anything hot and fiery, I love it!  My birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks, maybe I should request bottles of Sunfire Elixir :o)

I started on Chanca Piedra, the herbs that helps dissolve gallblader and kidney stones.  I feel very saintly taking all my supplements and teas and everything ;o)

A friend called me for support today, she started the Juice Feast on the same day as I did, and asked me if I felt a disturbance or if it was just her.  Sabotage patterns and strong emotions are surfacing in her too!  Maybe we are just right on schedule, who knows.  Yes, for those who are wondering, I didn't just leave her like that, we shifted it with Source.  Of course!

As this cleanse is continuing, my heart feels more and more open, and the love I feel for all is becoming tangible.  So it is with an increasingly open heart that I send you all my love!

Day 45 of Juice Feasting - more self-sabotage clearing...

Paula and I reconvened for another round of food related sabotage.  She also went completely raw a few years ago, and got thrown off the wagon by her self sabotage patterns and emotions.  We've teamed up to get to the bottom of these patterns.  Armed with a large pitcher of veggie juice (chard, cukes, zucchini, red pepper, radish), I called her and we looked at how we feel staying raw, how we feel about wanting to eat junk or cooked foods, how much we want to use food to change our state... talked about it, identified the patterns or emotions, connected to Source and transformed these by letting in the light!

The goal is to transform ourselves out of wanting to eat foods that no longer work for our bodies, with no decisions, no resolutions, no inner chatter about it ... with ease and grace.  I never think whether or not I am going to drink alcohol, even when I am in a party with tons of different, expensive or rare alcohols.  I have been offered wine at $250 a bottle, and it leaves me cold.  I do not like alcohol, and with the rare ones I like (champagne, hard cider) I do not like what it does to my body, so I do not drink it.  Simple.  I'm not interested.  That's the way I wish to be about unhealthy foods.

I'm sharing these patterns here in order to help you identify yours.  Some of these patterns were Paula's, some were mine, and some were shared.  You can see if you have them by using muscle testing, or by monitoring your emotional reaction or inner chatter when reading these lines.  Please comment on this blog to share yours, or contact me directly.

If you have taken my workshops, you know how to transform these in yourself.  If you would like some help transforming these, call me to schedule a private phone session.  Workshops are scheduled on a regular basis.  Please look at the schedule on www.TheSourceSynergy.com

I will probably put together a food specific workshop once I am completely on the other side of these patterns!

- "It's difficult to be or to stay healthy"

- "It's difficult to be active" 

- "needing to or looking to be reassured by others or by food"

- "associating satisfying food with a state change or with numbing ourselves"

- "feeling powerless to change our inner state on our own, and therefore needing outside stimulus to change it"

- "feeling like an outsider if we don't eat the food (at a party for example)"

- "why can they have it and I can't?" "why can't I eat junk food and stay healthy? They seem fine with it!"

To be honest, whenever I work on something new, it takes me a while to get through it on myself, and when I start clearing it on others, it works with lighting speed.  So by the time you read this, I might very well have found a much easier and faster way!

And of course, it is much easier to stay on the cleanse when I am back home and do not have tons of temptations in front of my face.  That's also why I love to go to my Junkarian friends' home... it is a perfect place to test my progresses.

Oh, I forgot to mention a cool healing that happened over the weekend.  My friend's horse slip and fell, rolled overtop her, and she came back with a frozen neck.  I took her to a Bowen therapist, rubbed some magnesium oil on her, but her neck was still frozen 9 on a scale of 10.  So I did a quickie healing as we were both really tired and it went down to a 5.  Score!  Next morning, she is getting ready to go play at the final polo match, so I do another healing and we get it down to a 2 with an injunction that I hear in my head "It doesn't matter, she is going to win anyway."  Sure enough, they won... and the last quickie healing we did on her completely got rid of the pain and the stiffness.  I love receiving clear messages like that.  I also love the look of surprise on people's face when their body shifts and release injuries.  We all know about "miracle healings" but it is another thing to experience one directly!

Much love to all!

Day 44 of Juice Feasting - self-sabotage clearing...

On the journey of self awareness, some giant steps forward are accompanied by what seem to be regressions, or step backs.

Becoming aware of a general pattern (such as self-sabotage around food, to take my current example) and releasing it,  involves several steps:

1 - becoming aware that we are operating from a pattern, which is indicated by emotions or feelings, or results of actions, that do not feel good

2 - becoming aware of the specific thought patterns OR sensations or feelings associated with the general pattern (what I call the "duh" stage of enlightenment, when discovering something seemingly obvious)

3 - becoming willing to step outside of these patterns (that's when being right about something is let go in favor of a more expanded way of being)

4 - connecting to Source and releasing the blockages (sensations, feelings ...) with energy work (or other methods)

There are a few things to become aware of:

1 - When you first become aware or put your focus on, a specific general pattern, your mind will very kindly bring to light all related patterns.  It therefore intensifies that particular pattern, in order for you to become aware of it and release it.  In my case, since putting my focus on releasing the self-sabotage patterns, these have been much stronger, and have derailed me once more today.  I have however enrolled the help of a friend, and have asked her to support me in uncovering them until I am no longer run by them.  Having a clear outside person helping you is crucial.  That is what I do all the time for other people, and it is really nice to have that help for myself when I need it.  

Note: I am making a conscious choice to let you know that I am derailing, without going into the particular foods I am derailing with, because I believe that what is important is to recognize the sabotage patterns, and let them go, instead of being wrapped in the particulars of one food or another.  

Righteousness is a very useful tool in keeping oneself raw.  I used it myself in the beginning, and had no problem whatsoever staying 100% raw.  I would use the "I'm a 100% raw" as a calling card, and would secretly judge others in my head.  I could use it again to keep myself in this cleanse.  Righteousness would force me to stay in the cleanse.  I am no longer interested in going that route.  I now wish to live completely open-hearted, truthful, and loving to myself and others.  Which means, that the only way out is in.  I have to be willing to go in and release all the blockages(patterns, sabotage ...) between me and my divine self.   

2 - patterns will be released in layers, as quickly as your psyche and body can process it out, and as quickly as you are ready to let it go and detach from it completely.  So you might think you are totally done with something, only to have it surface in your life as an issue once more, as another layer is ready to release.  This does not mean that the clearing you did before did not work, it just means that another layer is now ready to be released.  Soon enough, as you continue all the layers will be gone.

3 - Most people quit too early.  Perseverance is key.  You have to keep letting go and transforming until you get through all the layers.  Until you get to a place of complete peace within yourself.

Elena from "Birth as we know it" talks about how the babies space out and disconnect from themselves when treated with less than utmost kindness, love and respect (i.e. what most well meaning parents do to their kids), or when they are being fed foods that do not work for them (cooked food, second hand smoking).  The babies are powerless to change the situation and dissociate, numb themselves because it is too painful.  I believe that what I cleared today touches on this.  

A few of the patterns I became aware of and released today:

- "not caring about what I do with my body", "not caring about what I eat", which dates back from infancy.  In extreme cases these will be "I don't care what other people do to me" which will lead the person into abusive situations.

- "being forced to do things (to eat things) that are against myself" "being forced to be in situations that are against my well being" "forcing myself to do those things"

- "I don't want to do this" "I don't want to get better" "I don't want to clear this"

- "healthy foods are a punishment" (eat your vegetables, you can't have desert until you finish your plate...)

- "hoarding," "gluttony," "fear of lack of nutrients," "stuffing ourselves in secret," "wanting to keep all the good foods for ourselves (before the siblings eat it)"

- "junk food is a reward"

- "not being allowed to make our own choices around food"

- "you have to eat what is given to you" (especially when raised in France)

- "reaching outside ourselves to change the way we feel inside" (using food or alcohol, or drugs, or work or people or distractions) or "numbing ourselves to what we feel inside"

- "compulsion to stuff ourselves" coming from not experiencing enough nurturing as an infant

- "being willing, able and knowing how to nurture ourselves" (free of food or other outside stimulus)

- "I can't do it" (whatever the "it" is) paralyzing feeling

- "giving up on being able to live in our own truth" again from infancy

Maybe more later on, for now, I send you all my love!

Day 43 of Juice Feasting - packing list for this adventure

Later on in the evening more sabotage patterns hit me with full force after I was all done blogging last night, and I got thrown off the cleanse once more, and downed handy-dandy bentonite pills afterwards.  Not a long term solution, but handy whilst in the middle of the storm.

My friends got back home, and I told them what happened, not feeling too hot about myself, quite discouraged... and the girls put everything back in perspective by teasing me gently, and bringing humor back into my life.  I woke up this morning, discouraged, overwhelmed and powerless, yet DETERMINED to get to the bottom of these sabotage patterns.  So I started transforming them immediately, and continued while waiting for the oldest at her dance class.  It finally occurred to me - (The "duh" stage of the enlightenment journey) - that I needed to start by clearing the feelings of overwhelm, discouragement, the "Im never going to get through this," the powerlessness etc... which, I realized as I started detaching from the patterns and seeing them more clearly, were patterns dating back from being an infant.

Sure enough, the clearing worked like a charm. These particular sabotage feelings have now been eradicated.

I now know with certainty that I WILL GET TO THE OTHER SIDE of my emotional eating.  I'm quite sure there are more sabotage patterns to become aware of and transform.  We have many people with eating challenges and obesity in the family line.  I might get bucked off a few times in the process, but that's ok.  I'm keeping my eyes on the final goal:  when food will no longer have any emotional hold on me.

I found a few more later on today, and will record them on this blog to help anyone reading, so that you can identify them and start detaching from them, stop believing them, and if you already know how, completely eradicate them from your life.

Those were:  

- "But it tastes so good (I don't want to give it up)"

- feelings of resentment about stopping to eat yummy-but-no-good-for-me cooked foods

and... errr... I'll make a point of recording them sooner, because once they are transformed, they are completely gone and forgotten!

Meanwhile, on a practical side, I've realized I need a packing list as I am so often on the go during this cleanse, and I constantly forget one or the other:

PACKING LIST

- a bottomless drinking cup of perseverance

- a jar of compassion spread

- a shaker of humor

- a dropper of patience

- a shaker of MSM

- a shaker of kelp powder

- a shaker of green powders / spirulina

- bags of pau d'arco and horsetail tea

- superfood superballs (coconut oil with the superfoods and cinnamon)

- zeolite

- formula #1 and #2 from www.herbdoc.com or equivalent from JuiceFeasting site

- dry brush

- zapper and sock (to hold it under the foot at night)

- juice bag

- container of spring water

- wheeled cooler with produce (greens, tomatoes, cucumbers, celery, lemons ...)

- small shoulder cooler

- 2 ice packs

- 3 or 4 mason jars

- a good memory

Anything else?  Let me know if I'm forgetting something!

Much love to all!

Day 42 of Juice Feasting - sabotage patterns

Some days I wish I'd be on the other side of my patterns already... that I would have mastered them completely, and tonight is one of these nights.  I'm on skype with my good friend Paula on the west coast, who is helping me clear my sabotage eating patterns, having discovering my friends' home was empty and all their sweet gooey pastries out on the counter... I sneaked two teaspoons of the cookie dough from the ice cream, and immediately called her for help!  (sigh)  Good thing I had just taken the formula #2 (bentonite clay), it will absorb my little mishap.  Right now, we are clearing the "I just don't care, fuck it anyway!" and the "life suck / life is bad anyway" patterns.  Mine date back from being around 7 years old, hers are as old as it gets, having been transmitted down her family line.  I'm actually doing the transformation work for the both of us, but it helped tremendously to identify them with her.

(a few minutes later)

Ok, done, these are cleared now.  I'm off skype.  I'm going to concentrate on eradicating general eating related sabotage patterns, because enough is enough!!

Apart from that, I had a lovely day.  The coconut water kefir I made a couple of night ago is delicious.  I made some unusual yummy juices today: cucumber, zucchini, pea and sunflower sprouts, and defrosted fresh cranberries.  I'd leave out the sunflower sprouts for a milder taste.  The zucchini makes the juice more creamy tasting.  I actually really dislike raw zucchini, but I like the juice blended with other things.

I also went out with a friend and collected two big bags of raspberry leaves to make tea this winter.  I froze the leaves instead of dehydrating them since I won't be home for a couple of days... I hope that will be ok!

We had a very productive meeting for the creation of our ecovillage today.  We realized that we really needed to address all our fears, doubts, "yeah but," "what if" and other paralyzing thoughts, before doing any more work on the village, in order to clear the way.  So we made a big long list of all the fears and concerns, big and small, that passed through our head, and we will clear them all in a conference call this week.  I can do the clearing work on many people at once, and have done these types of conference calls before.

So in a way, the day was dedicated to identifying and clearing sabotage patterns!

Yeah to clearing the way to our wonderful life!

Day 41 of Juice Feasting - the bubble has burst

Today was arguably one of the most difficult of my cleanse, ... and one of the best.  The emotions that surfaced the night before last were in my face, threatening to engulf me, yet I was able to do phone sessions on other people with great clarity.  

The pain was present, yet I was detached from it most of the time.  Watching it, being a witness, and relentlessly bringing in Source's light and transforming the sensations, blockages or emotions that surfaced.  I felt that I was riding the bucking bronco of my mind.  I almost got thrown off a time or two, but instead allowed myself to relax, forgave myself for minor transgressions, and stayed on, until the light of love subdued and transformed my bronco into a sweet, sweet partner.  

The bubble of pain has burst.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Just in time too:  we're just past the traditional "40 days in the desert" purification journey.

One physical thing I became aware of today, is that I've been a bit lax taking the drawing formula and intestinal movement pills, (#1 and #2 from Dc.Shultze), and that I am quite sure that taking them makes a bit difference emotionally as well, as the toxins get encapsulated and moved out faster.  So my commitment from now on, is to always have a stash of them with me in the car, and to take them everyday.  Let's face it, I've been on the road more than not on this cleanse, and I need to have all my supplies with me at all times!

I also made more juices than usual today in order to overfeed my body while it was processing so many emotions - about 5 liters/quarts of mixed veggies, starting with mixed greens, and continuing on with tomatoes and greens.  To be honest, my recipes are not that exciting since my supplies are pretty limited: cucumber, chard, zucchini, tomato, a bit of celery.  

I can't believe that basil is already out of season, drats.  I haven't frozen enough to last me the winter.  Breaking news:  I found some organic cabbage today, so I'll be making salt-free sauerkraut soon.  That's what I get for spending my time in small town Canada!  But hey, I love it here, it is so beautiful!

I also had a little bit of raw chocolate and a free sample of hemp seeds while in the throes of the emotional joy ride, ... and thought for a minute that I had utterly derailed from the cleanse, until sanity came back, things got put in perspective, I forgave myself and made myself another pitcher of yummy juices upon coming home.  Shortly after, the bubble of pain bursted.  Yeah!!

I love this journey of continual expansion, even if at times, I have doubts that I am able to make it to the other side.  The trick is just to notice the doubts, transform them, and continue on.  Sooner or later, the pain-causing programming gets transformed, and peace inhabits me.  I feel more expanded,  more space inside to breathe, I feel taller, and more loving each time a layer is peeled.

Much love to all!

Day 40 of Juice Feasting - intercultural exchange

The grumpiness that surfaced last night is turning out to be a deep well of sadness, sorrow and despair, which has been handed to me from my family line.  I am so thankful that it is surfacing now to be cleared.  Way better than keeping it inside.  It seems to be generational, in my DNA and family line energy.  There is a lot of depression in my family line, and a lot of uprooting, pogroms etc... Most of it doesn't have a story attached to it, I do not have any mental chatter about it, my mind is quiet, as feelings are released, and flashes of insights come in with Source's energy.

Following your heart is for me the most important part of life. That path may have lots of ups and downs and twists and turns ... and it is so fun, if we just remember it is an amusement ride, instead of expecting it to be just like our mind's over traveled road!

Tonight, I got to play parent, as my friends who have the French exchange student were tied up and asked me to represent them at the exchange meeting.  I enlightened the parents to the cultural differences between French and Canadian teenagers.  French people have been drilled to be polite and have good manners:  you must accept what is offered to you, not make a fuss or ask for what you want or need.  A guest is to be very discreet.  You must finish your plate, and eat whatever is in front of you, which has obviously contributed to my eating problems.  It was fun, sipping my juices (one of tomato and another of mixed greens) and talking about things way outside the parents usual conversations: energy work, why not to worry about calcium intake if the French student doesn't drink milk (the leafy green and protein inhibits calcium absorption conversation)... several parents came to see me and ask for my card.  Rock on!  

I'm completely beat from all the energy transformation I did on  myself so I'm crashing at my friends' tonight once more.  Good thing, because I need to go to the farmer again.  I still have lots of the emotions that need to be released, I can feel them, and they will, as soon as they are ripe for the picking.  In the meantime, I am surrounded by mountains of cakes (3 different kinds), muffins (2 kinds), pies (3 kinds), cookies, cheeses, chips, ... you get the picture.   The emotions that are still present create a very strong pull towards all this wonderfully tasting junk.  I'm starting to notice which emotions make me want to eat which foods.  Sadness seems to create a pull towards sweets.  I think that to be successful long term on a raw food lifestyle, we need to be willing to really look at and release all these emotions, as well as all the sabotage patterns that make us want to quit and go back to numbing ourselves.

Good night y'all!

Day 39 of Juice Feasting - foul mood

After a wonderful day filled with a string of overseas French speaking phone sessions, followed by a visit with a friend and watching a funny movie, foul mood has hit.  Just like that, out of the blues.*  I'm grumpy, I'm fed up of this cleanse, and I've just drank a fresh coconut, surely an overly sweet addition to my no-sugar month.  Aargh!!  

I'm writing fresh off my mind, with no time to stop, reflect and transform with Source, just so that you can see that I also have melt down moments.  Now, as I am writing this, sanity is creeping back into my brain, whispering sweet nothings "it's just the candida, dear, you'll be just fine"... but maybe I just don't want to be fine, maybe I just want to pout and hurt myself... and maybe, just maybe, I'll just transform all these yucky feelings and emotions that are surfacing and I will feel even better than before.  

I just made myself some pau d'arco and horsetail tea to give a boot to the candida.  Feeling better already.  Take that, critters!

* PS: actually, it's not quite true, as I have an idea as to the train of thought that triggered the grumpiness, I just don't want to do anything about it quite yet... but will soon enough.  Ok, a melt down that lasts about 10 minutes, I think I'm tougher than that.

Day 38 of Juice Feasting - teaching by example versus preaching

From the airport, we drove up to our horsey friends' s farm and spent the weekend there.
Yesterday Sunday, we played in the sun, got into our swim suits and attempted to teach the horses to swim while we were on their backs. Did you notice the attempted part? Lots of splashing around, cavorting, and lots of horses less than convinced that swimming across the pond actually made sense. I can see their point of view. It doesn't make sense at all, since the only exit from the other side is to swim across one more time.

They went in, after a lot of coaxing, swam a few lapses if you insisted like crazy, and turned around sharply to get back to all their buddies, at which point, since you are swimming above them, hanging on to their mane, you can't help but be swung to the side, and effectively dismount into the water. I was very happy I had kept my waterproof sandals on! I ended up being the official guide of the party, wading in the water to try to get the horses to follow me. Yeah, that didn't work too well, but we had fun and the horses too. We made sure we ended in a good note for all the horses, so that they will want to go back in the water again.

That's the most important part of any training, really: make it fun and engaging. If you are new and just starting out in raw foods, exercizing or cleansing, find a way to make it fun, engaging and supportive to you, to train your mind and body to look forward to the process of getting healthier. At no point should it be a torture, otherwise you will end up resenting yourself, and either go into "righteous mode" or fall off the wagon.

I swung by my favorite farmer with the teenaged girls and stocked up for the week: chard, kale, a few zucchinis, cucumbers and tomato... all for $30 only!! This cleanse is getting to be cheaper than ever! Even if I have to drive down mid-week to restock, it will still be only 1/3 of the cost I started with when shopping in supermarkets, or even at the wholesalers. Much to my surprise the girls insisted on helping me juice, vying for the priviledge of chopping veggies and squeezing the bag. For dinner, they wanted a salad and stir-fried veggies. I guess you really teach and inspire by example, not by lecturing! Last year, I had taken care of them for a month, while their parents went off to Mongolia to teach other horse vets, and my attempts to convert them to a healthier lifestyle had resulted in a tearful fiasco. Now that I am having fun and not trying to convert anyone, they are naturally more open and curious as to what I am doing. I'm also glad to report that I am out of the "freezing zone" and that my body temperature has normalized once more, and my energy is coming back up.

We made an extra batch of mixed juice so that I would have something to sip during "cocktail hour" which is the one time of the day when we all chill and relax, and snack on hummus, roasted pepper dips, cheese and crackers. I had been dreading that moment, to be honest, because of my major cheese addiction. Much to my surprise, it took very little transformation with Source to be completely relaxed in front of the tempting platter of cheeses. I even went so far as to sniff the cheeses (in a lady like fashion of course), taking tiny pieces and tasting them to see if I could re-awaken the temptation, and clear further. I really hope all this transformation is getting to the root of my food addiction and that I will be just fine once I get back to solid food. Stay tuned! I don't have a date for when that will be, as I plan to Juice Feast until my body tells me to stop, or until the 92 days are over. The crazy thing with this Juice Feast, is that I feel like I AM eating solid food. I hang out with my friends, they enjoy their foods, I enjoy my juices, and somehow, it feels like I'm eating by proxy. If I've had enough dark greens in my juice, I will be completely satisfied.

We also had to take care of one of the elderly horse, who had an obstruction in his oesophagus. That is not a pretty procedure: stick a tube down his nose, pump water into it to release the blockage, until the tube reaches the stomach. A horse can die from such a blockage. And he wasn't a happy camper, and we had to reinsert the tube a few times to get it all done. Yuk. I guess it is an appropriate metaphor for my cleanse too: keep things moving, that's the most important thing!!

Day 37 of Juice Feasting - when to Juice Feast, or do another detox

Wii fitness games were on the menu before going to the airport. Ok, so wii fitness is not that reliable but for the purpose of boasting it is EXTREMELY reliable, as my wii "bio age" showed up as 35 y old :o) I just won't tell you it added 12 years the next day. :o(
We had so much fun, playing virtual tennis, doing balancing exercices that my new friend went out and bought me a board to thank me for helping her out of her rough patch. I was very touched, and she reminded me that before I showed up and did work on her, she didn't feel there was a point to life anymore, and seriously thinking of offing herself. So now, we will both live, and I will get fitter while having fun as well. Yeah!

After preparing all my juices for the day (cucumber, tomato, spinach, fennel) we loaded the car and took off to have "tea"(juice and e3live) with a girlfriend in her garden, before heading off to the airport.

In the garden, we talked about ... pooping. My girlfriend had started a mini juice cleanse, but was not having ANY bowel movements, several days in a row. She had to go for an emergency colonic. In cases like these, I do not recommend you start with a Juice Feast. You need to get your bowels cleaned and moving first.

I suggested to her that she do a smoothie regimen, with all the fiber, and take supplements and probiotics to re-educate her intestinal track, until she normally has 2 to 3 bowel movements a day, consistently. JuiceFeasting.com has a list of supplements that work great to re-educate the system (herbs), and to encapsulate the toxins (bentonite clay combination). Another great resource is Dc.Schultze's formula #1 for the reeducation and movement of bowel, and formula #2 for encapsulating the toxins and providing bulk. You get those at www.herbdoc.com
Arise and Shine also has a great all inclusive cleanse system. I prefer taking the bentonite clay combination in a pill rather than a shake, as it makes for a gooey unpalatable mixture, so my personal preference goes to Dc.Shultze, but you can mix and match, taking the bentonite shake in pills and the other supplements from Arise and Shine. Bentonite clay is great at encapsulating all the toxins released by Candida die-off.

Or, you can take all the supplements from JuiceFeasting and do a smoothie cleanse instead of juicing, until your bowels are re-educated. The smoothies can be fruit-free, in the form of blended raw green soups, in order to help re-establish balance and eliminate candida. You also want to make sure you are providing plenty of good probiotics to your body, in order to repopulate your intestinal track. Primal Defense, by Garden of Life, is a soil-based probiotic that will complement your probiotic regimen, and help clean up your intestinal track.

Once your bowels are normalized, you can then take it to the next level, by doing a Juice Feast. You need to make sure that your bowels are still moving consistently, 2 times a day at least, even when you stop providing fiber to your body and you are drinking only juices. The body eliminates toxins, dead cells and dead blood cells that way, as well as old impacted fecal matter. That is why enemas are part of the regimen, and the herbs and drawing formulas. Otherwise, you are just re-intoxicating yourself, and driving the toxins deeper in your body. If you are on the go, and just cannot do enemas, take the herbal formulas to keep drawing the toxins and keep everything moving regularly.

This is definitely one of the most important part of the cleanse, and should not be overlooked.

Day 36 - roundabout way to the straight road

Recap of the three previous days: A wonderful heartwarming time spent with friends, taking care of a heartbreak, driving my friend to see his youngest daughter before flying off to India, playing wii fitness games, swimming in salt water pool... had a great time.

On Friday, we went to a drum circle... close to the town of Guelph, southwest of Toronto, according to our friend. Made sense, since that was were his daughter's mother lives. So we all set out in my car... and quickly got stuck in traffic, in road constructions, more traffic, zig-zagged with secondary roads ... only to realize two hours later, that our Indian friend ... well ... doesn't really know the lay of the land around Toronto, now does he. Let's just say that if we taken it upon ourselves to enquire about the final address, and done a mapquest search, we would have gotten there in one and half hour tops, instead of the almost four hours it took us to get there.

Moral of the story:
- take responsibility for where you are going or doing
- if someone tells you that you have to do something before doing something else, don't believe them, as there might be a faster way to get to your destination
- if you let go and surrender, you might just have a great time during the journey. We managed to have a great time driving south, then southwest of Toronto then clear north of Toronto.

The drum circle setting was magical: an organic farm specializing in organic ice-cream, a mini-horse pulling a cart, alpacas and baby cows, children running around, a BBQ with a tantalizing smell, especially because I didn't have enought satifying juices with me ... but I am getting better at being ok with the feeling of hunger, and I definitely need more dark green juices to keep me sustained through the day.

The gathering ended on a starry night with a full orange moon. Simply magical.

Day 34 of Juice Feasting - watermelon

This blog should be entitled:  Juicing on the go!

I'm an expert packer-in-a-minute now!  A blender, a nut mylk bag, cinnamon superfood superballs (awesome for being on the go), small shakers of the green powders (I'll try making green salty superballs) some produce, 4 mason jars, dish towels to wrap the jars, 2 ice packs, all go in a cooler on wheels and a shoulder cooler pack for day  excursions.  I'm going to get a medium sized polycarbonate water bottle, so I can bring spring water with me for a few days.  I'm no longer interested in drinking city tap water.

I'm back in Toronto after a couple of days at home.  I went there to pick up a good friend, at whose cashew farm I stayed at for a couple of weeks this spring, in Auroville, India.  Seeing him step off the bus, I immediately noticed something drastically different about his face, to which he replied: "Raw foods.  I've been on raw foods almost exclusively for 1 1/2 month."  So logically, he wolfed down a snicker bar when we went shopping.  ;o)

We are staying at a new friend's beautiful 36th floor suite... impressive and perfect timing.  She needs to detox her body for medical reason, and has been going through a really rough patch.  So of course, I did some Source work on her, and she feels waaay better already.  I bought things to show her how to make green smoothies tomorrow morning.  My friends are insisting that the title for today is watermelon, because they cut up an gigantic one for dinner tonight.  We are going to have fun this weekend!

Since they are chatting and laughing in the background, I really can't think straight, so I am stopping here!

Much love to all!

Day 33 of Juice Feasting - wonderful rapids

Note to self:  

- superfood balls are supposed to be eaten one a day, not gobbled up all in the same day.  

- when warming the juices pay attention to what's going on, especially if you do not really know how the stovetop works since you haven't used it that much in the year you've lived here.

Lessons of the day:  

- transforming yucky coconut oil into scrumptiously delicious superfood balls is maybe not such a good idea after all. :o)  It might be once all my impulsive emotional eating is completly under control, but, mmm, clearly, not yet!  Plus, cacao is fermented, so I'd better stay off it.  I'll make some more with just cinnamon this time.  This way they'll be less tempting.

- Can someone please explain to me why is it that I can justify drinking a hot juice soup, which has clearly passed the point of having live enzyme, whereas I wouldn't eat or drink something that is rotten??

Answer:  Because you're used to it.  Seems normal to you, even though it's detrimental to you.  Sounds familiar?  In which other areas of our lives do we put up with things just because we are used to the subtle level of "abuse", of detrimental behavior?

I will take care of that inner programming that tells me that cooked foods are perfectly acceptable and edible, because my experience of yesterday and today show me that they clearly are not.  I felt heavy after drinking my "soup" today, and realized that it was just because the juices were no longer alive.  And excuse me!?? What is the point of having low settings on the stovetop if the water is going to boil anyway??? Isn't there a simmer setting on this thing?  Drats.  Live and learn.

Since the phone session of yesterday helping a client let go of parasites and parasitical relationships in their life, (energy or emotional vampires, people who are exhausting and draining to be around) things have shifted in a major way for me.  Clearly, the session had a very beneficial effect on me as well.  Relationships have started transforming of their own accord, without me initiating the shift.  Some shifted with a bit of turmoil, some others falling naturally into a more intimate and authentic way of relating.  All in one day!  I'm amazed and grateful.

I also had a most heartwarming exchange with the wellness coach I had talked about a few days ago.  I had felt hurt by her comment to a post I had made, and wrote about it without taking the time to clean up thoroughly my feelings, and without thinking that my writing could hurt her feelings.  I'm so grateful she pointed it out, so that I was able to realize what I had done, apologize, and re-own and transform that energy.  I had actually not realized that I was spreading negative energy.  Duh!

This is the path.  Most of the time I realize there is something that is off BEFORE I act on it, sometimes I realize it DURING the action and am able to course-correct right then and there, and sometimes I'll only realize it AFTER the fact, either on my own or with the help of someone.  The trick is not to gloss over and justify, once you've realized it.  It's all about authenticity and responsibility.  Why pretend I'm all love and light?  Yes, of course, I do my best to act and speak from love, but if I slip through the cracks, I'll just admit it and transform it.

A friend joked with someone on Monday that my work is the "Duh! Chtoink, Jolt, Tadah!" path of enlightenment, as in:

- "Duh! How did I miss that:" awareness stage

- Chtoink, Jolt: the transformation stage, because it happens quite quickly once connected to Source, and the energy makes my body jolts, much to her amusement

- Tadah! : how open and grateful you feel once the transformation is complete and you feel like a brand new person

 "Duh! Chtoink, Jolt, Tadah!"  mmm, I'm not sure about that for my new marketing slogan... what do you think, gang?  Yeah, I think not.  The contest is open for anyone who find a really good tag line, or slogan.  I'll give a free session to the winner or anyone who comes up with something good.  :o)

As for the physical side of things, I'm still on freeze mode.  I did most of my phone sessions (I mostly work over the phone) under a warm comforter, and I was still chivering.  I woke up this morning congested and puffy from the Thai broth I had yesterday.  Shooting pains come and go quickly in my hand and feet, most likely gunk moving out, as I used to have arthritis.  Little pimples have cleared out.  Still low energy, but went for a brisk walk in the sunshine and that felt awesome.

I don't exactly know how many liters/quart of juices and of which kind I had today, as I had to juice in between sessions, one batch at a time.  About 4 liters, with whatever supplies I have on hand: tomatoes, cucumbers, chard, kale, basil, ... and no celery.  Yeah for no celery!  Also a mega dose of superfoods disguised as superballs. :o)

Things are moving briskly.  It may seems that I am going through the white waters at times such as today, and I am thoroughly enjoying the ride.  It is taking a lot of energy, and it is worth the ride.

Much love to all - yes you all out there, since I have recently discovered that there are more of you than I knew.  The few followers are just the tip of the iceberg.  I'm getting more and more of you out there commenting in private that you are enjoying following my juicy adventures.  I invite you to come and comment directly here, ask me questions, I'd love to hear from you!

Oh, I almost forgot:  I started watching a talk by Rozalind Gruben on "Social and Emotional Aspects of Eating" on you tube, and I'm thoroughly enjoying it.  She speaks very eloquently of what I talk about.

I just tried to figure out how to make a live link for it on the blog... mmm... here is the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icsFTnltYuY&feature=related

Please comment if you know how to make the nifty youtube square appear on the blog!

Day 32 of Juice Feasting - Warm soup, heart warming movie

One month already... it's impressive.  Impressive because I never would have thought I could do this, honestly, and because what seemed impossible is now routine.  A metaphor for life.  How many times have I been paralyzed by fear, only to realize that was seemed daunting was accessible, once I got around to doing it, or more accurately, when I am ready to do it.  Readiness is the key.  I have been guilty of berating myself for not being ready to do something.  I am now learning to access new levels of compassion for myself and others.  We are ready ... when we are, and not when we think we should be.

Today I made myself some wonderful juices, thanks to a huge jicama I picked up at an asian supermarket over the weekend, which produced about 3/4 liter of sweet delectable juice.  I also had 1 l. of chard, 1 l. of tomato with basil, 1/4l. of zucchini (courgette), 1/2 l. of celery, 1 l. of cucumber.  I think I really need to stay off celery for several days in a row, as I'm still on overdose reaction every time I smell it.  I froze the leaves of the big bunch of basil I got this weekend, and am breaking off little pieces to juice with the tomato.  It's delicious.

I was really cold today, even though people are out in tee-shirts enjoying the sunshine... so I guess it's just me and a cleansing reaction.  I tried the hot/cold shower to warm me up, it didn't work.  I tried putting lots of cayenne in my juices, it didn't work.  I went for a walk in the sunshine, barefoot walking... still cold.  I went for errands on the main street and started craving a bowl of broth from the Thai restaurant.

Finally it dawned on me that I could warm up the juices!  Tadah!  The magical recipe of the day is:

tomato with basil, cucumber, zucchini, chard, and a dash of celery, with cayenne and spirulina warmed up to the touch.  I made a huge bowl and devoured it.  Yum.  I'm making some more tomorrow.

I had a dilemna concerning the new coconut oil I just bought... I can't eat it straight.  And I don't want to blend it and make my juices all greasy... what to do?  I remember the superfood chocolate from David's talk, so I made some chocolate droppings... they were supposed to look like balls, but, well, they look like... mmm, bird droppings.  I took the daily dose for five days of all sweet superfoods I had on hand: maca, raw cacao powder, bee pollen, cinnamon to make it sweet tasting, dash of cayenne and black pepper, melted 5 teaspoons of coconut oil at low heat (put the oil in a bowl, and let the bowl sit in a pan of hot water).  Add all the powders to the oil, stir, and do your best to make it look like 5 balls or any shape you want.  Put in the fridge, and then into a ziploc when cold.  I had one, it's delicious!

This morning I woke up from a dream and slipped right into an awakened dream state, wit transformation with Source about letting go of parasitical relationships.  Later on today, I did a phone session with a client about ... letting go of parasites in her body and relationships that drained her.  At one point we both realized that the session was just a continuation of what happened in the dream state this morning.... twilight zone.  I've actually had several people tell me I've worked on them in their dreams, but since I do not usually remember it, it doesn't really count, does it?  

Although over this weekend, someone told me that she felt me working on her so strongly (she had requested a session asap for this coming week) and was feeling so much better that she insisted on paying me for the work my spirit did on her.  That was very unexpected.  She was very grateful, and I am grateful I could help, even though I did not do it consciously.  Which really makes you realize that you are soooo much more than your puny mind.

After a few more phone energy healing sessions I was ready for  a change of pace. So I went to the Thai restaurant and asked for a bowl of the spicy veggie broth to go after checking it didn't have MSG.  I took it with me and drank it while watching Julie and Julia at the movies.  I felt very decadent and grown up.

Big mistake!  I still feel the broth in my tummy after 4 hours.  I'm taking an extra dose of the bentonite pills tonight.  How can you have an indigestion from a bowl of clear broth??  Well, you can.  The water was really hot, so its structure had changed, and my body reacted to it.  I guess there was something else in the broth that made me react as well.  I learnt from David that once water has been heated past 108 degrees or so, the body reacts to it as if it was cooked foods, even though it is just water, because the heat changes the molecular structure of water.  I now make a point of heating the spring water for tea just to the touch, but not more. 

The movie however was great.  Made me nostalgic for Paris, and the French foods I grew up with.  Boeuf Bourguignon was one of my mother's favorite dish to prepare.  It is a funny, endearing movie.  I really loved how it accurately portrayed two women fumbling to find their lives passions ... only to find it in what they already love.  Eating.  Didn't think they could do anything with it.  Isn't it what most of us do with our gifts?  They are so natural to us that we take them for granted, and dismiss them, while longing to make a contribution to the world.  The gift is right there, glaringly obvious, if we can only following what brings us joy.

I highly recommend it.

With much love to all, I bid you good night.

Day 31 of Juice Feasting - another wonderful weekend

I'm really glad I took up the challenge of going to all these food festivities this weekend.  All the temptations allowed me to go into yet another layer of the emotions and emotional eating patterns.  It is so very freeing to feel them get stripped off.  It was quite challenging thought.  And I'm glad to report that I was up to the challenge.

Saturday evening my friends and I went to a argentinean barbecue party for their polo club.  It was like my dream!  A huge barbecue grill - I've never seen one so big - manned by 4 people, laden with sausages, ribs, marinated chicken etc... Platters of chips, dips, cheese... an alcohol dispensing carousel that I had seen in my dream, lots of cakes, cookies, french bread etc...  I helped decorate, cut cheese in bit sized pieces, put platters around, and had a great time.

I had brought my juices, and refilled a drinking cup with them.  I had my cooler filled to the brim with green juices.  But most of the time, I made a point of being without anything, no glasses to cling on to, no food to stuff myself with, just to allow myself to experience the feelings of just being in the party, around the food and the people, without hiding.  There was dancing, and some people were getting a bit drunk as the evening went on.  I realized much to my surprise that I still had quite a bit of shyness and social anxiety left in me.  Plus, I'm an empath, so I feel everyone's feelings as well.  I used to be a complete wall flower in my youth, and have evolved to what others see as a self confident, outgoing, gregarious person.  At one point, the feeling of anxiety was so INTENSE, that I was feeling stabbing in my chest.  I went to my car (it was quite chilly) and took the time to connect to Source properly and completely eradicate that feeling.  It took me such a long time, and I couldn't quite understand where it was coming from, as it seemed to be coming out of the blues.

I was then able to go back to the party and enjoy the rest of the evening.  I must admit thought, that I am NOT a late night party goer! :o)  By 10pm I was ready to go to sleep!!

The young 14y old French exchange student that is staying at my friends house for a month, asked me shyly how I dealt with the food in Canada.  I laughed and told her that I do not eat it!  If I ate like my friends, I'd be back to being obese in a jiffy.  They have the most incredible metabolism.  They are all stick thin and muscular, and I've never seen anyone eat so much sugar and junk food.  She confided in me that in one short week of being at their place, she had gained weight and her tummy was hurting every night.   So I took her under my wing, gave her a tour of my friends' kitchen, showing was is edible in the fridge and pantry, bringing her to the supermarket and teaching her how to make herself simple salads, green smoothies, crudites and dips to sustain herself.  In the French culture, it is absolutely impolite to ask for what you want when you are at someone's house.  You just accept what is being offered... 

When I was her age, I went to England as an exchange student, and was sick every night because of the food.  I was polite and forcing myself to finish my plate, so the mother started giving me twice the amount of food, because she though I wanted it... it was not a pleasant experience, which could have been avoided if I had known to speak up!

I told the young student that this was a perfect opportunity for her to learn how to take care of herself, speak up, ask politely, learn that it is ok to have different needs than other people around and let go of the very French fear of what other people think (la peur du quand-dira-t-on).  I gave her my card and big hugs, so that she can call me in case the blues hit.  I also educated my friends so that they know to go shopping for fruits and veggies for her.

On Sunday, we went to their polo games.  A small group of people were all fancy and dressed to the nines, and the rest of us were looking at them in wonder, because it was a cold and stormy day.  They must have been freezing!  The majority of Polo people are actually way more down to earth than what I originally thought.  My friends are horse veterinarians, and that's their in.

There was also a free-for-all buffet, and strangely enough the piles of overstuffed white bread sandwiches were way more appealing to me than anything else.  I think that it is because it is a perfect stuff-your-feelings-down kind of food.  Plus they were FREE!!  

Chilled to the bones, I came back and took a nap, after swinging by the farmer and restocking with mountains of cucumbers, tomatoes and chard.  

In the evening, I took my friend to the lecture David Wolfe was giving in town.  It was his first raw food event, and he enjoyed thoroughly :o)  What's not to like:  there were lots of friendly people I knew, good foods, great info, great raw superfood chocolate, of which I tasted a couple of squares, justifying to myself that :

a. it was a present from someone I hadn't seen in a year

b. it was a good way to get the fats and superfoods I didn't have that day

c  it was all ground up anyway

d. all the above were awesome justifications :o) and I was very proud of myself for coming up with such good ones ;op

Listening to David talk about all the superfoods, having the best day ever, being a superhero etc... made it very clear for me that the most important switch that need to happen in someone is the full commitment to being healthy and happy.  A commitment to make the best choice for myself at each moment.  (at each moment?? I'm still working on that one)

Without those, you are bound to fail.  With those commitments firmly implanted, all the little setback and derailments are just little zig-zag on the road to becoming shining healthy Superheroes.

Are you coming with me to the Super Heroes land?

PS:  update from September.  I learned recently that on Saturday when I was experiencing this intense feeling of anxiety and stabbing in my heart, my friend was being killed in Alaska.  We are all much more connected than we know.

Day 28 of Juice Feasting - eating french fries?

I woke up this morning to the phone ringing.  I was at a celebration with family and friends last night.  I ate lots of french fries ladden with gravy, and was passing platters of meat around.  Everything smelled delicious.  Afterwards, I didn't feel too good about myself, I wasn't happy I broke my Juice Feast, and my body wasn't feeling good either.  But my sister, who always has lots of things and is very generous, had the latest juicers (converted into a alcoohol dispensing gadget) and was giving me a newer version of my juicer,so I took one, and off I went to fly back to North America.

The friend who woke me up with the phone is inviting me to come over this weekend, for a horseback ride, a Polo party on Saturday and a barbecue on Sunday! 

It was just a dream! :o)

Come to think of it, I would prefer my sister keeps the juicers and uses them herself... and I'm glad I didn't eat those french fries.  It is a good warning dream. 

I'll be sure to come prepared with lots of juices, and a mindset ready to take on the challenges. The mindset is definitely the most important part of the equation.  I'm letting go of having to eat the same foods as everyone in order to feel included.  I know that I'm at the point where it is possible for me to have a great time at the parties, blend in, without the need to make it a big deal about my Juice Feast.  I have a small shoulder cooler (a present of the polo party of last year actually), and I'll bring my blender and mesh bag just in case, since it is a sleep over.  Added bonus: the local farmer is near by - a perfect opportunity to restock!

Then on Sunday evening, David Wolfe is doing a talk in the same town, and I plan on taking my SAD eating friend with me!

I went to see the property we love for our ecovillage today, to show it to a team member who hadn't seen it.  It is so gorgeous!  We actually got lost in the woods, as the trails are not marked and the property quite extensive.  We're not sure yet if the zoning of the property will allow us to do what we want, but it is very nice to dream.  A raw ecovillage by a private lake in a gorgeous location... sounds good to me!

New recipe of the day - a very strange and tasty combination:  zucchini and cranberry juice, in equal proportions.  The zucchini makes it a bit sweeter.  Wouldn't have thought of it, except that there were organic zucchinis at the supermarket (a rarity), and I didn't know what to do with them, so I grabbed a bag of frozen cranberries, let it thaw, and the rest is history. 

I may go to the movie, to see Julie and Julia, about Julia Child... a great opportunity to review food-related emotions and clear them before the weekend!

Love to all!

Day 27 of Juice Feasting - fermentation gone wrong...

Well, you might have guessed it by the title:  I went to retrieve the jars of cultured veggies that I had entrusted to my friend before going goat-sitting... and the fermentation went horribly wrong.  Yuk yuk yuk.  Even thought we had put them in the cellar, I left them there for too long (over a week) and they over fermented (read: got moldy and really stinky).  

We carried the three jars in a solemn procession to the compost pile outside and the little girls retreated hastily when it was time to take out the seals.  I was left alone to dump out the stinky contents.  

The oldest girl came to inspect the proceedings and decreed that underneath the top mold, the sauerkraut was just fine, thank you very much.  mmm.  Really?  I'm not convinced.  If there is mold on top and liquid throughout wouldn't the mold make its way down as well??  But hey, their choice.  The mum said she wasn't afraid of any bacteria, so I gave the content of one jar to them, declining politely to take any with me :o)  haha, I don't think so!  It's probably fine, but I've lived too long in North America, land of the ultra septic plastified food.  Can't deal with a little fermentation mold anymore!  They're from Russian, and probably much more pragmatic than I am.

I'm cleaning the jars thoroughly and will put boiling water in them before re-using them!  Tomorrow is the start of a new experiment.  This time, I'll put in green cabbage and a couple of carrots, the basic recipe.  The sugar in the carrots gets processed by the fermentation, so it's ok.

Today I had 1/2 l. of tomato juice, 1l of cucumber, almost 1 l. of celery, 1/4 l of chard mixed with some of the cucumber, celery and a dash of raw apple cider vinegar (yum) ... and that's all.  I'm not hungry today, strangely enough.  I already forced myself to have a liter of juice tonight so I'm going to stop there.  I still have 1l. of cabbage juice in the fridge.  Of course I also had all the superfoods, and the lemon/msm water.  I've been craving seaweed and salt, but not celery juice, so I'm guessing I'm needing those particular minerals.

I posted an invitation / playful dare on facebook to get people to come join me on the Juice Feast today:

"For all of you spiritual seekers out there: I invite you - no... I dare you to join me on the Juice Feast... I'm finding out that you haven't mastered yourself until you've mastered your food-related emotions! All the emotions that stay nicely suppressed by numbing foods are being liberated and let go at warp speed!! I'm in an amazing ride to personal freedom. Come join in the fun! I'll help you out, I promise!"

and one lady got quite offended, stating that she was a professionally trained wellness coach, and that detoxing could be really dangerous (which it can be if not done properly by the way).  I looked at her profile and she looks like she is 300 pounds - at least... I felt really sad for herself and for the people she is helping.  Sad that being right can become more important than being vitally alive.  You know what I mean?  The denial and justification system of our mind is unfortunately a very very powerful thing.  I'm on a merciless (or compassionate) hunt and release for all these places in my mind ;o)  Did a lot of that today, and now I feel emotionally exhausted from all the energy work.  

So off to bed it is, earlier than ever!  

Love and hugs to all.