Woke up real late today, and was ready for another nap soon after! I'm out of breath when I go up one flight of stairs only, and now it's 9pm and it feels like midnight. I'm going to call it a night very soon.
I had a really cool dream this morning. It is very rare that I have dreams, apart from lucid dreaming, where I'm mostly flying or helping people heal. I think it's because I take care of my emotional stuff as it comes up, so I don't have much left to process during the night. So here it is:
I was with a group of people and we were ready to go down a huge waterfall, in white water rafts. We get there, and we peek above the falls... and you can barely see the bottom of them, they are so so tall. So, I'm bailing out "no thank you, I've got nothing to prove, I love life too much. I'm not going to risk it for a rush of adrenaline" and the 3 guides tell me that in all their years of guiding in this fall, no one has gotten injured, just a few minor concussions, and it's an exercise to let go of your fears. I can tell they are telling the truth and that I will be fine. And so I decide to do it, and I'm so scared that I get the tunnel vision effect, we are getting ready to go, and I can see that my guide knows what I am going through and is there to support me...
I don't know what's coming in this life, but I tend to have premonitory dreams, and I've definitely stepped out in a very big way, taking on the creation of this ecovillage as a newcomer in Canada, starting to come out more about The Source Synergy work as well... I'll keep you posted.
So what did I have today? Whatever was left over, which is not much: 2 heads of cabbage (about 1l.), 1 glass of tomato juice, about 1 l/quart of cucumber juice, a bit of kale juice with lemon, a bit of my friend's juice with celery and carrots... about 2 tbs of hemp seeds and coconut butter when I was starved... but now I'm going to be back on track because I got fresh produce supplies!
Imagine that: even the organic wholesaler in Toronto was out of produce, no more greens except for entire cases of parsley, some lettuce and some rotten kale... I was majorly bummed out since I had stayed in the city especially to go there. Luckily I remembered a little local farmer on the way home, and rushed there. Score. Tons of tomatoes and cucumbers... ahem... cheaper than at the wholesaler. It's an hour away, but I will make the trip. It's worth it. Cukes are $4 each at the supermarket, and since I'm juicing 3 to 4 a day, it would explode my budget really quickly. And without cukes, it would be pretty difficult to stay on a green vegetable juice diet! I'll call the other farmer I know here, and arrange something for the other greens tomorrow.
I was doing a session on the phone with someone in Europe today, helping her let go of grief and disappointment, and all of a sudden I tell her: "I'm seeing white bread, the kind you see in supermarket" to which she answered that white bread was her favorite comfort food. Then a few minutes later, I tell her that I now have this crazy craving to go eat all the cheese in my friend's fridge, and she laughed and said: "Yeap, bread and cheese, you got it! That's what I do when I feel like this!" So we cleared the root cause of the emotions, and the cravings went away. Dairy and bread are such a good cover up for negative emotions, because they make you numb and feel reassured, because of the calming chemicals in the dairy.
I'm also going through a lot of sadness, and related feelings such as grief, depression, disappointment these days. I'm connecting to Source and letting them go, not taking them personally as much as I can, and surrendering to the light. These feelings are very familiar because they were my constant companions for most of my life. They have also been passed down to me from my family line. So it is actually a bit harder for me to just see them as they are, just yuky programmings with no real foundation, and just open up to the light. But I'm doing it! However I feel that the emotional detox is also wiping me out. Lots of things shifting and moving, and I'm welcoming the stripping of the layers. Strip me bare, baby! Let the light in!
That's said, I'm really tired, so my darlings, good night!
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