Becoming aware of a general pattern (such as self-sabotage around food, to take my current example) and releasing it, involves several steps:
1 - becoming aware that we are operating from a pattern, which is indicated by emotions or feelings, or results of actions, that do not feel good
2 - becoming aware of the specific thought patterns OR sensations or feelings associated with the general pattern (what I call the "duh" stage of enlightenment, when discovering something seemingly obvious)
3 - becoming willing to step outside of these patterns (that's when being right about something is let go in favor of a more expanded way of being)
4 - connecting to Source and releasing the blockages (sensations, feelings ...) with energy work (or other methods)
There are a few things to become aware of:
1 - When you first become aware or put your focus on, a specific general pattern, your mind will very kindly bring to light all related patterns. It therefore intensifies that particular pattern, in order for you to become aware of it and release it. In my case, since putting my focus on releasing the self-sabotage patterns, these have been much stronger, and have derailed me once more today. I have however enrolled the help of a friend, and have asked her to support me in uncovering them until I am no longer run by them. Having a clear outside person helping you is crucial. That is what I do all the time for other people, and it is really nice to have that help for myself when I need it.
Note: I am making a conscious choice to let you know that I am derailing, without going into the particular foods I am derailing with, because I believe that what is important is to recognize the sabotage patterns, and let them go, instead of being wrapped in the particulars of one food or another.
Righteousness is a very useful tool in keeping oneself raw. I used it myself in the beginning, and had no problem whatsoever staying 100% raw. I would use the "I'm a 100% raw" as a calling card, and would secretly judge others in my head. I could use it again to keep myself in this cleanse. Righteousness would force me to stay in the cleanse. I am no longer interested in going that route. I now wish to live completely open-hearted, truthful, and loving to myself and others. Which means, that the only way out is in. I have to be willing to go in and release all the blockages(patterns, sabotage ...) between me and my divine self.
2 - patterns will be released in layers, as quickly as your psyche and body can process it out, and as quickly as you are ready to let it go and detach from it completely. So you might think you are totally done with something, only to have it surface in your life as an issue once more, as another layer is ready to release. This does not mean that the clearing you did before did not work, it just means that another layer is now ready to be released. Soon enough, as you continue all the layers will be gone.
3 - Most people quit too early. Perseverance is key. You have to keep letting go and transforming until you get through all the layers. Until you get to a place of complete peace within yourself.
Elena from "Birth as we know it" talks about how the babies space out and disconnect from themselves when treated with less than utmost kindness, love and respect (i.e. what most well meaning parents do to their kids), or when they are being fed foods that do not work for them (cooked food, second hand smoking). The babies are powerless to change the situation and dissociate, numb themselves because it is too painful. I believe that what I cleared today touches on this.
A few of the patterns I became aware of and released today:
- "not caring about what I do with my body", "not caring about what I eat", which dates back from infancy. In extreme cases these will be "I don't care what other people do to me" which will lead the person into abusive situations.
- "being forced to do things (to eat things) that are against myself" "being forced to be in situations that are against my well being" "forcing myself to do those things"
- "I don't want to do this" "I don't want to get better" "I don't want to clear this"
- "healthy foods are a punishment" (eat your vegetables, you can't have desert until you finish your plate...)
- "hoarding," "gluttony," "fear of lack of nutrients," "stuffing ourselves in secret," "wanting to keep all the good foods for ourselves (before the siblings eat it)"
- "junk food is a reward"
- "not being allowed to make our own choices around food"
- "you have to eat what is given to you" (especially when raised in France)
- "reaching outside ourselves to change the way we feel inside" (using food or alcohol, or drugs, or work or people or distractions) or "numbing ourselves to what we feel inside"
- "compulsion to stuff ourselves" coming from not experiencing enough nurturing as an infant
- "being willing, able and knowing how to nurture ourselves" (free of food or other outside stimulus)
- "I can't do it" (whatever the "it" is) paralyzing feeling
- "giving up on being able to live in our own truth" again from infancy
Maybe more later on, for now, I send you all my love!
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