Giving

A recent adventure in healing left me pondering the meaning of sharing and giving.  

Last week, an accointance was greatly suffering in the throes of a healing crisis.  We were all apprised of his condition through his detailed facebook posts.  I had offered to help him through it, with a long distance phone healing.  I came back home at midnight, ready to tuck in, only to find a message from him, ready to take me up on my offer, and a phone number to call him back.  So I did, and and caught him on his way to the hospital, as the pain was so intense.  We did the healing while he was parked in the hospital's lot, and his pain completely vanished.  He experienced a miraculous healing, and his doctors were surprised at the absence of blood in his urine, for the first time in a long time.  He thanked me privately for the healing.  I was very grateful he gave me the opportunity to help him through this crisis.

To his circle of friends however, not a word of his healing.  From the tone of his posts, they posted comments that he seemed to be doing better and they were glad for it.  They were sharing their love and concern openly.  To my eyes, he did not seem to share his success in the same manner.  I do not know his reasons, and they are only his to know.  

That left me wondering.  How many times have I shared my pain, but was reluctant to share my miracles?  My struggles and insecurities have given me in the past a way to relate and gather support, but it is a hollow way to relate.  It emphasizes neediness and incompletion.  It makes us think that we need to work through things, instead of being who we are and enjoying our divine process of co-creation.

Some other people have the opposite dilemma.  They share an inflated view of themselves, their accomplishment, how well they are doing, but forget to mention their inner doubts, frailties, anxieties.  

So in this holiday season of giving, can you give all of yourself?  Your success and beauty, your doubts and insecurities, your love and your fear... and allow yourself to shine your light and your love through it all?

The material presents are nice, but they feel hollow without your presence.

Wonderful healing journey

I have taken the time since October, to go deep within myself and heal all the things I found to be released, transformed, and loved within myself.  I feel deeply grateful and quite changed from the adventure.  

It was a journey where I emotionally and literally reconnected with parts of my past I had left behind.  

First, I spent time in NYC, a city I adore.  I used to live there, for 12 years.  There isn't a street corner I haven't been to, as I used to have a tour business.  I actually know NYC better than my city of origin, Paris.  There is also a sense of stability and peace that comes from reconnecting with old friends who've known you for years, and have evolved in parallel tracks.

Then, I flew to California, and was warmly welcomed by my good friends and neighbors in San Diego.  It was there that the dam broke.  Gazing out of their window, into their enchanted garden and to my old house in which I lived with my friend who just died, allowed me to reach and release the frozen knot of pain which had been locked in my heart.  I am so grateful for my friends' love and support which made this access safe and possible.

This marked a turning point, after which it became a voyage of pleasure.  Renting a car, I made my way up the coast, visiting friends and family and making a pilgrimage to Mount Shasta.  For three hours, I was in complete silence and solitude.  I laid on the frozen ground, in deep meditation, barefoot, only to realize afterwards that not a single bird came to disrupt the silence.  The message was very simple:  "I am enough.  Whatever tools or circumstances we now possess is enough.  No need to wait for an upgrade."  Just feelings of peace, gratitude and accomplishment.

Following my intuition, I also connected with soul sisters and it is wonderful to have them back in my life.

I am now in Paris, France, teaching and spending time with my family of origin.  The feeling of peace and inner strength I now live in, is even more apparent here.  I am grateful.